I’ve been practicing (seriously) for the past 6 years, but it doesn’t take that long for a yogi to discover the nuances of the practice. Here’s 10 reasons why yoga is so annoying:
1. Someone will be wearing your same outfit and they might even look better than you in it. Thanks lululemon.
2. Yoga can wreck your body… errr did you miss this uproar? Go google it or read this. Enough said.
3. Drama and scandal… gasp! Yes it happens. Go google it. No comment.
4. Huggers … you’ve seen them. Yogis who barely know eachother will hug like there’s no tomorrow. Sweaty bodies pressed together, eyes closed, touchy feely, and grinning from ear to ear. Eeeewwwww (but I secretly want to be loved like that).
5. Type-A Overachievers… there’s always at least one in every class. There’s no matador in sight but they’ll buck like a bull in cat/cow. Then there’s the super bendy chick who I swear is descendants of gumby. And my favorite is the ’I'm more spiritual than you so I bow more humbly to the almighty universal power’ longer than you. Namaste.
6. The word authentic… Every yogi who claims to be authentic is fluffy white clouds and pretty butterflies. Hmm… let me authentically bop the next person who tells me to be more authentic in the nose… now who sees pretty butterflies and tweety birds?
7. Body odor… I’m not just talking about your typical sweat smells. Let’s just say if I lit a match the yoga room would explode…. and what’s left of it would be onions that have been left in the warm sun all day… blah!
8. Teacher’s pet… Even though they won’t admit it, every teacher will have their favorite downdog so if you want to be that dog, you’d better tilt your tail, spread your fingers, and stamp your heels down or refer to #5.
9. Sickies… Those people who come to class to sweat out their germs. Yes! yogis love to share but stay the heck at home if you’re contagious.
10. You’ll fall in love with your
yoda yoga teacher… They are so smart. So compassionate. So philosophical. So sexy… until you find out that they actually don’t possess super yogi powers and are basically another human being who also poops, farts, drinks, cusses and puts on their pants one leg at a time… Refer to #3. Ah-hem!!!
So annoying! But hey, you should still do it.. try it.. see for yourself. Still not convinced? Go google it. You’ll believe google over my list of why you should do yoga… but thank me when you experience the biggest orgasm you’ve ever had in your life… or at least start a home practice.