Emotional roller coasters are far from the adrenaline rushing theme park ride. They are exhausting! To start it off, my sweet tooth led the way when I got inspired by Domestic Dharma’s blog on chocolate peanut butter cups. Looks simple and DELICIOUS! Off to get the ingredients. While strolling at Whole Foods, I found some coconut flour and decided to experiment with the recipe.
I was trying to keep the chocolate vegan and raw so I used cacao powder. Didn’t end up using the cacao nibs because the cholocate mix was already too powerful. The peanut butter was freshly grounded from unsalted roasted organic valencia peanuts (the best!). Coconut juice was used to mix the cacao powder and coconut flour. I was getting worried when the mixture turned out to be look and feel like a brownie batter… but then again what’s wrong with brownie batter, eh?
It didn’t exactly come out the way I wanted it to, but it was sure tasty.
Chocolate bottom with peanut filling on top
Move over reese pieces
Next batch will be just plain melted chocolate with no coconut flour. The texture was not quite right as it did feel like a brownie. Needless to say, the kiddos and I got our serving of antioxidant flavonoids for the day.
Clean up is even more fun
After several helpings of these guiltless pleasures, I topped the evening off with some great yoga from a new teacher I’ve never taken. She kicked my asana! This is where my roller coaster takes a big dip! We talk about emotions and up until this class, I’ve been high on some cacao flavonoids until fear kicks in. Handstands! Drop backs (from handstand to the wall)! Partner handstands! Partner drop backs. Did I say drop backs and handstands?! I thought I’ve gotten over the letting go of upsidedownness fear phase but it started to stir in me again. I knew it but I didn’t want to know it. Before my fear got a grip on me, I laughed in the face of my fear and was able to let go and experience it… or maybe it was the cacao flavonoids that gave me the umpf! power to try it. It was actually fun and comical. I guess yoga did it’s purpose to help me laugh.
Once the chocolate high wore out, I begin to feel the effects of my emotional roller coaster. I am fully aware of how my emotions have such a profound effect on my body. I naturally try to “control” my emotions so they won’t manifest into pains in my body, but the more I try to control them, the worse they get. There is so much truth in the saying that “in order to heal, we must feel.” Emotions are real. They won’t go away unless we experience them. Being under the influence of several dark chocolate peanut butter cups, I was up in my head about “I can handle this” and decided to stuff down my emotions. “Oh no you won’t,” says Miss Universe thing.
I had the most dreadful nightmare last night. My emotions playing out in my dreams. I dreamt I was going to get killed. I had 5 hours left to live. My killers followed me around like a shadow while I frantically made my arrangements to have everything taken cared of before my death. Before I would die, I’m awaken by my alarm clock 5:30am. Get ready for class! Ugh! With the dream fresh in my head, I google “killing in dreams” and before finding the results I already knew what this dream meant. There were several variations on the meaning of this dream but this one really hit home:
“To see a killer in your dream, suggests that an essential aspect of your emotions have been cut off. You feel that you are losing your identity and your individuality. Alternatively, this dream may represent purification and the healing process. You are standing up for yourself and putting a dramatic end to something.” (www.dreammoods.com)
7 of the 20 or so needles
I am scared but I will laugh because if I can’t be my authentic self then I might as well be dead. So off to the acupunturist to open up my channels and free my blockages. This has been the most painful acupuncture visit in my entire experience. I was pretty effed up. I felt like a human pin cushion with needles at the base of my neck, up and down my spine, forearms, and feet. The 7 on my ear came home with me and had to stay on for 2 more hours.
After releasing some emotions today, I am completely exhausted and am skipping my asana practice. Tonight my practice comes in the form of compassion (aka needing rest) and just feeling what I’m feeling and letting them go.. otherwise more needles on saturday… yikes!