Practice Makes Possible

I’ve been hanging out in Bali the past 4 days on yet another yoga retreat, teaching and assisting Deb’s Yoga Life Coaching retreat.  Other than the longest plane ride I’ve ever had in my adult life, I have no complaints.  Even though it was 30+ hour flight from take off to landing at my destination, I knew that it was gonna be worth it even though the thoughts of “are we there yet?” crossed my mind what seemed like every 5 minutes.  

 The whole trip was definitely a practice of patience for me and it reminded me of the moment I kicked up into my first handstand last week without a wall and falling for the first time into upward bow/wheel pose and then standing up for the first time without any assistance. 

I started practicing handstand regularly aroundaugust 2011 and committed to doing one handstand a day for 365 days in 2012.  During the whole time I practiced, I never fell once.  I was scared to fall and never let myself fall without control, meaning there was not someone to catch me or guide me from a handstand to falling into a backbend.  In theory, I knew that I could exit a handstand gone wrong by either cartwheeling out, falling into a backbend, or walking on my hands.  Never had the guts to try it so I never practiced without a wall or an assist.  So through out the last year or so, I kept practicing not only the pose, but also the strength and alignment that is required to hold a handstand.  I got stronger and I got more skilled at noticing how my body is responding and how I am stacking my body over my hands.  The 365 day challenge taught me patience because on those days that I could barely get my feet up in the air, I felt defeated.   Mostly I learned how to let go of fear and let joy flow.  This meant that I turned my fear into excitement. 

 So last week while at the park with the kids, I had the urge to practice on the grass.  No one was looking and the grass looked soft enough if I fell but the thought that went through my head was, “what do you have to lose?  you’re not gonna die.  If anything, the flight to Bali is gonna kill you.”  So I grabbed my iPhone (just in case, I did fall and die, there was evidence of it for the life insurance)… kicked up a few times, held for a few seconds and finally mentally said GO!  Something shifted inside and I fell over.  It seemed as if my body knew what to do.  I felt my toes point and felt like a cat who will land on their feet… so I did… right into upward bow/wheel.   Then I said, “what the heck, let’s try to stand up… and so I did.   I couldn’t believe it and I looked around to see if anyone saw that so they could confirm that’s what really happened…. oh wait!  I have it recording     Check it out:

I’ve been videoing my journey and progress on handstand, but I can’t seem to find all the video’s now.   So bummed because I wanted to be reminded that practice makes possible and that it doesn’t happen overnight without commitment and passion.  Oh well… perhaps this is a telling that it doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you weren’t capable of and what matters is what’s happening today and how you’re going to move forward tomorrow.   

Just like the how the long flight from hell was worth it, the year journey to handstand was definitely worth it.  Now to keep practicing and creating more possibilities.  Yay!

Dreams Do Come True

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”  – Walt Disney

Nicely said Mr. Disney.  Actually it even kinda sounds cheesy and cliche’ish until one day your dreams do come true.   Things start to materialize before your eyes and all of a sudden you realize your dream is no longer a dream.  You pinch yourself and it hurts… because your dream is now your reality.

I wish upon a star…

I’m not talking about the dreams you have of bears chasing you or those graphic dreams of dark shadows lurking in the alley ready to pounce on you type of dreams.  Thank goodness those don’t come true.  I’m talking about those “I wish upon a star” where I really really really want something badly type of dreams.

Well even the shiniest star alone won’t make your dreams come true.  You won’t just attract your dream to life but there’s something to be said about declaring your dreams and whole heartedly wanting them to come true.

Some of My Dreams…

I don’t want to boost, but this past week has been a domino effect of my dreams coming true.  Is it even possible that 3 dreams can come true in one week?   I’m pinching myself and *ouch* it hurts… I’m awake so it must be real.   As far as I can remember, I’ve always dreamt about being an entrepreneur.  Never in my wildest dreams did I know I would own a yoga studio.  When I realized that owning a yoga studio was THE dream, I dreamt big.  Not big as in the Taj Mahal of studios, but big as in BIG on love, community, and friendship.  I dreamt that people would practice next to each other, mat to mat with the sound of the breath filling the room, sweat dripping on the floor  and no one would even gringe because they were all friends.  I am still in awe as I witnessed the room fill up this weekend and we packed the studio to maximum capacity.  It was the hottest mess I’ve ever seen and no one complained once that it was too crowded.   I am grateful!   Then, I found out that I accidentally completed my 500 hour teacher training.  I started my 500 hour about a year and a half ago and just kept on attending trainings.  I enjoyed them so much that it didn’t behoove me keep track of the modules I had completed.  Nice surprise!  and definitely one of my dreams that I wanted to fulfill.  The 3rd dream just came true today as I write this post.   I am going to Bali in a few weeks to co-facilitate a yoga retreat with my teacher Deb.    She had asked me a few weeks ago to go with her but <insert a long list of excuses of why I can’t go even though it would be huge dream come true>.  It’s interesting to see what happens when you share your dream out loud with others.  The Universe does really conspire to make it happen especially if you whole heartedly want it to come true.  And so I am going to Bali.  Don’t be so jealous cause this is the trip from hell!!!!!  38hours of travel time!!!!   <— a little ounce of sympathy please  BTW, you can come too.  It’s not too late to book the Bali trip.

Dreams really do come true….

They come true all the time.  I look back at the last month and I could list a handful of dreams that have come true.  They may not be those big whopper dreams but each little wish I’ve made have manifested.   One of them is that I got to share yoga with my mom.  Ever since I started to practice yoga about 10 years ago and even in the last 7 years of teaching, I never asked my mom if she would like to come to my class.  I assumed that she would not enjoy the power vinyasa style I was teaching.  I assumed these things because of what she has said in the past about yoga and her limited movement, etc.  But last month she came to visit me and saw my studio for the first time.  She was very excited for me and in her joy, I asked her if she wanted to come take a class.  ”YES!” was the immediate response.  I couldn’t believe it.   Having my mom in yoga class was a dream I’ve secretly had but never had the courage to ask her for fear of her rejecting the idea.  Boy! was I wrong!  I will never ever assume again.

Walt was right…

Dreams do come true.  But not by wishing upon a star… but by having the courage to pursue them.  Dreams require you to be in action in order for them to come to fruition.  Sometimes it takes a lot of money to make a dream come true.  Sometimes it takes a lot of patience.  Sometimes it takes a lot of commitment.  Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work.  Sometimes it takes a lot of support from those who care about your dreams.  Sometimes it takes a lot of passion.  Mostly it takes a lot of belief.  Believe in yourself and your dreams.

Thank you for helping my dreams come true… you know who you are.

Ashtanga Confluence 2013, Day 2: Be Lazy

End of day 2 and all I can say is that I’m grateful this confluence is only 3 days long!!!  I need another weekend away to process all the golden nuggets I’ve gotten.   Today’s most profound things I learned:

1.  As a student, I’m rediscovering that it’s not the teacher’s fault that I didn’t have a good practice.  Yes, to some extent, the teacher sets the tone, but ultimately it’s my own practice and I am the person in control of my own practice.  I saw where I let external factors control the outcome of my practice and I could see where I let external forces (i.e. people, situations, even the weather, etc) dictate my outcome and even my happinesss.

2.  It is really about the breath.   The answer to all your problems lies at the root of how you are breathing.

3.  True freedom is not about doing what you want, whenever you want, however you want.

4.  We really are more alike than different.  The concept of ONENESS makes more sense now.  We really are one with every living person, creature, and cell in the world.

I’ll have to expand on the above in another post but my most favorite one that made the highlight of my day:

5.  Be lazy like cats as David Swenson pointed out in the Flying, Floating, and Handstanding workshop.  Watch how cats move.  They use the “lazy” method… meaning they engage just enough to move and then immediately relax… giving them the sluggish, lurking around type movement.

Why would you want to be lazy in asana?  Next time you’re in a pose, become aware of how you engage your body.  Notice how you might be all tense with too much contraction and trying to hard.  This type of engagement doesn’t give you much room to relax.  Isn’t this what we came to yoga for?   David’s suggestion is simple:  activate and then let it go.  Activate where necessary and relax when possible.  It becomes a continuous “vinyasa” within the holding of the posture.  Activate then relax, activate then relax.. a true concept of stira-sukha concept (strength-ease).  Eventually after several cycles of activate-relax, we get to a spot where the whole body is at ease but yet strong and grounded.  What becomes apparent is the body and the self is breathing so peacefully.

One can practice Ashtanga and be at peace… who knew!?!!  I absolutely love David and have found my next teacher that I want to study with.  He has a ridiculously funny sense of humor, practicality and simplicity  that makes the whole practice of Ashtanga pleasant and enjoyable.  I’ll share more on what I learned from David in future posts.  There’s too many to list here.

After today’s workshop with David, I feel like I’m floating on cloud nine even though I might not be able to float and jump like he does.  I’m feeling so lucky to have had some one-on-one time with him.  Check it out:

Now to practice, practice, practice… because practice makes possible.  Jump back quick tips: cross higher at mid shins not ankles, flex feet, push into hands, top leg pushes back to create momentum (bottom leg relaxes — the concept of active-relax), look down and back to start and then up to end, you don’t need to lift that high off the ground in order to jump back successfully, and finally (my favorite).. bandhas help but they’re not the main reason why you can or can’t jump back and it’s definitely not about your arm length.

Oh and can you believe he walked by my group I was working with and farted on us.   Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and will jump thru with straight legs after being blessed by David’s fart.  LOL

Ashtanga Confluence 2013: Day 1, Feeling the Transformation

6:00 am – get up and do my morning ritual: stretch a little.  Start hydrating.  Get centered with a short meditation.   Wash up before class.

7:00am – two hour primary series practice with Dena Kingsberg.

Led Primary with Dena

9:00am – hot shower

10:00am – breakfast on the patio under the sun, blue skies and the crystal blue bay sparkling in the distance

11:30pm – A panel discussion by the Ashtangi masters on the legacy of Pattabhi Jois

The panel of Who’s Who of Ashtangis

1:30pm – Relax

4:00pm – Bandhas with my teacher Tim Miller

6:00pm – The Hanuman Chalisa with Tim Miller — *the highlight of my day

Dreams do come true.  My body feels great and my mind feels as though it has been cleansed.

My biggest lesson today was sparked by this question:  Wouldn’t it be great if our minds would go where are bodies go?

Even after practicing for the past 10 years or so, I still notice moments of time where my body just goes and I perform the asanas.  Sometimes I even perform them very well and I’ve gotten really good at multitasking, thinking about other things besides being in the moment where I am.   The mind will do it’s own thing when left alone.  This is true.

We see this in asana.  Nancy saw us lifting our hands when we jump back/thru.  Our minds are eager to perform but she encouraged us to not do so.   There is no short cut to transformation.  One must do the work and feel every step of the way.  This may mean work on keeping your palms flat on the ground and do the work to really lift up before the jump.  It may not look as graceful but the illusion of looking graceful or the illusion of a successful jump thru/back does look graceful and successful but it does not help propel you into lasting transformation.

Mostly this shows up when I’m gone for weekend retreats and leave my family at home.   Mostly I feel guilty for indulging in myself.  My body loves the practice but my mind is left at home… worrying about my classes, about the kids, etc.

I’m so glad Dena, asked this question on the first day because it allowed me to just let go and fulfill the intention of why I came:  to be a student, to let go of all my responsibilities back home and to just indulge.   No guilt!  I’m being present.  My body is at the confluence and so will my mind because after this weekend away as a student, I will go back home a better teacher, a better mom, a better spouse, a better friend, a better human being… and the process continues as I integrate back into my life where the real work begins.  Then every few more months, I will do it again.  I will pry myself away from my studio, away from my students, away from my friends, and away from my family in order to reflect on who I was being and then reconnect to myself to redefine who I am and who I will become.

Keep It Simple

I’m fortunate to immerse myself as a student of yoga this weekend at the Ashtanga Confluence 2013.  Immediately upon arriving at the airport, I am reminded of a lesson I learned several yoga trips ago… and that is to pack simply.

Keeping it simple…

No more heavy bags, extra bags, no more high maintenance personal items.  Just the bare essentials.  Security was a breeze and I kept my peace of mind while everyone else was fumbling with their belt, shoes, laptops, etc.

Simple actions…

Prior to the trip, I was feeling kinda grumpy because I had purchased two tickets.  The other person was not able to come anymore and now I was stuck with an extra ticket that the conference was not going to refund.  It sucks!!  So when I arrived, I had asked again about a possible refund or credit.  I already knew what the answer was going to be, but thought “why not ask again in person” hoping I could bat my eye lashes for some sympathy.  They still said ‘no refunds’ but she offered to let me know if someone was going to buy a ticket during the weekend to buy mine.  This simple action she took made me feel some what better about the situation. I tried, she tried and if I don’t get any money back.. oh well. I’m not going to waste my energy getting upset over it.  I’ll see it simply as a donation to the conference.

Simple ideas…

The first night began with a Ganesh Puja performed by Eddie Stern.  A puja is a ceremony/ritual/offering.  Ganesh is the elephant god known as the Remover of Obstacles and The Lord of Beginnings.  He was honored tonight to insure an auspicious beginning and successful completion of the weekend.

Ganesh adorned with offerings from the puja.

This was the first time I’ve participated in a puja but the idea is not foreign to me.  I’ve seen this type of ritual performed at Buddhist temples while I was growing up but have never been interested in this sort of activity until I saw what a simple action and idea like this could do. I like the simple idea of rituals and how they can increase our happiness and change the world around us.

Simple actions and simple ideas can make a huge impact and possibly change our world.

This idea of rituals can be as simple as brushing your teeth.  Rituals are things/actions we do everyday.  They are a part of our “routine.”  The problem is that our daily routines have become mundane with a “go thru the motion” mentality.  We lose ourselves and the present moment.  A simple act of brushing our teeth every morning can be a meaningful routine… a ritual…  and instead of losing yourself and mindlessly performing the task and lose the present moment, get lost in the present moment.  Get immersed in the present moment.   Can you imagine if we woke up every morning and made teeth brushing a ritual?  That simple 2 minutes or so can become a sacred time to connect to ourselves and get grounded for the day.  Can you imagine what type of impact you would have on the world if you left your house feeling connected and grounded?  All because you brushed your teeth in the morning

Ganesh waiting for the Puja to begin

Don’t turn your back on the present moment… keep things simple so you can face the present moment mindfully.

What Does It Mean To Practice Off Your Mat

What does it mean when your yoga teacher references, “Take your practice off your mat or practice on and off your mat.”

Practice on your mat:  asana (postures), pranayama (breath), meditation (flow)

Practice off your mat: love, forgiveness, compassion, 5 niyamas (personal observances:  santosha – contentment, tapas – heat/austerity, svadhyaya – study of oneself, ishvara pranidhara – surrender to Divine/God) and the list goes on and on

Who you are being speaks louder than any words you’ll ever say.  

How you are being is your practice off your mat.  It’s probably 99% true that how you are on your mat is how you are in your life, off your mat.  If you curse and grump about yourself the moment the teacher calls a pose, you’re probably not practicing compassion for yourself in other areas of your life either.  Or if you fall out of a pose during practice, do you beat yourself up over and over again?  Forgiveness seems to be a practice that most of us don’t practice whether it’s a small thing as falling out of tree pose or forgiving yourself for the past. 

You can also say the reverse — how you are in your life shows up on your mat. 

Who knew a simple rubber yoga mat holds the truth… it’s a mirror for me to see who I am and where I need to grow.

Twelve Days of Yoga: On the 9th day

“On the 9th day of yoga, my guru gave to me…

9 dancing yogis
8 chaturangas
7 chakras tuning
6 heavy breathers
5 minute peace
4 flying crows
3 om’ing om oms
2 turtle poses
and a Hanuman in a coconut tree.“

Ahhh one of my favorite yoga poses is natarajasana, or king dancer’s pose.  The sanskrit word “nata” means dancer and “raja” means king.  The full sanskrit “nataraja” is another name for the Hindu deity Shiva, who is represented in form as a cosmic dancer:

Photo: http://www.lotussculpture.com/nataraja1.htm

This dance symbolizes the dynamic forces of creation and destruction and the harmonious balance of opposites.  Shiva is depicted with four arms.  Each represent the cardinal directions of space.  He holds a drum in one hand that represents the sound of creation while another hand is in abhaya mudra, the “fear not” hand gesture.  The other hand holds a flame that represents the essence of creation and destruction.  Finally the 4th hand is a gesture towards the lifted foot that symbolizes the release from the cycles of death and rebirth.  He is dancing on a dwarf, Apasmara which symbolizes human ignorance or forgetfulness.  He stands firm on the dwarf showing the end of ignorance and the birth of knowledge.  Shiva dances in a ring, prahabhamandala that symbolizes the source of all movement within the cosmos.  The outer edge of the ring are fiery flames that represent the universe’s illusion, suffering and pain, the inner edge is of the waters of the oceans.

To me, the full yoga pose feels like the king of all backbends.  It requires strength, balance, and flexibility all at the same time.

natarajasana — king dancers pose

 As I lift my leg up, I look within for faith that I am strong enough.  

As I rotate my arm upward, I am ready to create… to create this dance between breath and body… body and mind… mind and spirit.  

As I reach back with my other hand and grab my foot, I let go of all illusion… the doubts in my head… those voices that say, “no you can’t!”  

Finally, as I lift my gaze and drop my head back, I whisper to myself , “fear not…”

and then I open my heart…  

I stand firm and fierce,

but soft and open. 

I dance.

Twelve Days of Yoga: On the 8th day

“On the 8th day of yoga, my guru gave to me…

8 chaturangas
7 chakras tuning
6 heavy breathers
5 minute peace
4 flying crows
3 om’ing om oms
2 turtle poses
and a Hanuman in a coconut tree.“

Not to boast but I often get asked by students how they can get toned arms and get stronger faster.  They ask if they should do double chaturangas.  To that I say,  ”whoaaaaa there yogi…”

First, lets make sure you’re doing your chaturanga correctly before you decide to do two of them incorrectly.  What makes me cringe more than nails on a chalk board is misaligned chaturangas and then to watch them do two of them.  Eeeeek!!!

Let’s look at the basic alignment and note the risk factors:

chaturanga dandasana (four limbed staff pose or fancy for a yoga low push up position)

2.  shoulders hover at elbow level

3.  shoulders square and not rounding forward — shoulder blades draw down the back

4.  balance on balls of the feet — heels moving forward

5.  engage your quads — lift the kneecaps

6.  pull lower belly up

7.  neck is long — gaze forward

Chaturanga is also known as four limbed staff pose so keep the whole body strong like a staff.  Integrate the strength of the upper body and lower body.  The whole body moves as one unit.  

Risk factors:

1.  if your elbows stick out like wings, you risk straining your shoulders, elbow joints and wrists

2. if your belly sags, you risk straining your lower back

3. if your mid torso sags, you risk crunching your neck and upper back

So unless you can lower your body down as one strong unit, I’d advise to not do double chaturangas.  Build strength quicker by dropping your knees and focus on aligning your upper body and arms and engaging your belly.  Remember, you’re not a whimp if you drop your knees.  I’d say you’re smarter as you’ll laugh all the way to shavasana with healthy shoulders than those eager folks who think they’re getting stronger faster by doing double chaturangas as if they’re trying to win the strained rotator cuff race. 

 

Child’s Pose is For Losers

What do you do when you can’t take child’s pose of all poses?   At one point or another we’ve thought that child’s pose is for losers.  But if you can’t even take child’s pose?  What does that make you?  A lousy loser? 

Well I humbly take that title. 

While I was leading my yoga retreat in Maui earlier this month, I injured my knee.  I wish I could’ve said it was from diving with sharks or something noble like that, but it was from yoga.  My very first real yoga injury.  Not bad for a 6 year streak.  I was in samakonasana (side splits) and was making a transition to hanumanasana (forward splits).   The scene unfolded like the Matrix in slow motion, I saw and felt the top of my left knee go one way and the bottom go another way.  I remember vividly the sensation that slowly arose and finally registered in my mind that I needed to stop and pause.   There was no panic.  No one even realized what was happening to me.  It all happened so quickly but in my mind so slowly.  I was actually teaching this transition and still talking to the class and watching them transition.  No hiccups.  No burps.  No pauses in my teaching.  As my insides pause, the top of the knee and the bottom of the knee came back together and I carried on.  No big deal… until I stood up and felt like my left knee was gonna buckle under.  

So for the last 4 days of the retreat or so, I hobbled along with a brace and polluted the sweet smell of Maui with my tiger balm fragrance.  Of course my ego was not pleased and fueled my desire to continue my practice for the sake of my other body part’s happiness.  

I got on the mat, 5:30am the next day and have never been so humbled by my practice.  I could not even take child’s pose.  Talk about a bruised ego!  Bending it all the way was not pleasant and straightening it all the way wasn’t either.  ”It’s not all bad,” I thought because I could still do 90 degrees.  So I attempted some very very very slow sun salutations followed by some shoulder openers, mild backbends, and long inversions.   I moved so slowly that I only got in 7 poses before I pooped out.  So my practiced primarily involved sitting.  UGH!  You know how much I love sitting

As I sat, I witnessed so many emotions surface… from anger, pity, regret, frustration, sadness, shame, and eventually ended with curiosity.  I wondered, if I can’t even do child’s pose of all poses, why do I even practice?   Why should I continue to practice?

In the silence that morning, I saw more clearly than ever before that my practice in the last 6-7 years has all been about the physical aspects of yoga.  I’ve embraced the other limbs of yoga and they’ve been a guide for my practice , but they have never been the foundation for my practice.  Wow!!!  When I realized that I no longer had the physical ability to do what I knew my practice mainly consisted of, it was like my whole entire yoga life has been knocked down.  ”Now what?!!  You can’t even do child’s pose.  What a loser, right?!”

After I got over the loser thoughts, I really came to appreciate my practice in a whole new light.  The idea that the other limbs of yoga:

1. Yama :  Universal morality
2. Niyama :  Personal observances
3. Asanas :  Body postures
4. Pranayama :  Breathing exercises, and control of prana
5. Pratyahara :  Control of the senses
6. Dharana :  Concentration and cultivating inner perceptual awareness
7. Dhyana :  Devotion, Meditation on the Divine
8. Samadhi :  Union with the Divine

could be the foundation of my practice and not just a sprinkle here and there when it was convenient to study and live them.  It’s been about 3 weeks since the sprain (thank goodness nothing tore) and I still can’t put all my body weight down in child’s pose but a very interesting thing occurred…. the moment I let go of my attachment to my physical practice (what I couldn’t do, still could do, wish I could do), I could see and feel the healing process unfold in slow motion similar to when it got injured.  Funny thing is that some poses that I stopped doing for a few weeks have become stronger without me even trying so hard like I used to.  Hmmmm….  Continue your practice, in whatever form it comes to you in, and all is coming.  Most definitely!  

On an even brighter note, I hope you enjoy this video of my yoga retreat.  I’m so thankful for the opportunity to hold space for these wonderful yogis.  I don’t even regret my sprained knee.  

Devotion Is Not For Sissies, Part 1

Lost. Confused.  In a funk.  That was me a few months ago. 

I craved passion, love and purpose but the fog I was in was so thick that not even my yoga practice was going to dig me out.   My practice wandered.  I lost it’s focus, it’s meaning, it’s message.  Seemed like everything was OUT.OF.CONTROL!

So I went wandering… to Encinitas to escape my world and see what could possibly fill me up again, spice up my practice and shine some light into the dark corner of my being. 

One word:  Timji… Known as Tim Miller, the first westerner to get certified by Pattabhi Jois to teach Ashtanga.  After studying with him for 2 intense weeks, I consider him one of the most humblest, compassionate, devoted yogi I have met. 

Be devoted to something.

“What are you devoted to?” asks Timji to the group while we were learning about Hindu deities, Vedic astrology, and the like.  I tried to keep my eyes from rolling back because here we go talking about devotion as in devotion to God… a subject that I would rather not talk about.  It strikes an uncomfortable, irritated, highly opinionated chord in me.  But before my eyes could roll, Tim said, your devotion doesn’t have to be to “God,” it could be to anything like your practice, your family, your hobby, your <fill in the blank>.  ”But the first step is to be devoted to something,” he said.  

“Huh?  The first step to what?” I thought to myself.  I could sense that I’ve lost devotion to my practice even if I was consistently practicing.  It felt meaningless.   Poses were just poses and I wasn’t really interested anymore.  I wasn’t even interested in the physical benefits either.  I just kept doing it because that’s what I do. 

Life Without Devotion

I felt run down.  What was my passion started feeling like a chore.  I could foresee what my life would be like without devotion.  No more commitment, no more meaning, no need to follow through, no grounding in what really mattered.  Thank goodness my practice didn’t give up on me.  It lead me to Timji.  

Devotion is not for sissies.

When you find something to be devoted to, it can be very scary.  You might feel a burning fire under your belly.  This feeling oozies and oozies until the yearning, the longing convinces you that you’re unstoppable.    Devotion demands courage, commitment, and mostly surrender.  Are you ready to surrender?  Are you ready to give up what you think you need and want in order to surrender and receive what you really need and want?  

With Tim Miller and Hanuman

How do you know?

“You just know,” said Tim.  Through the course of the two weeks, we sang devotional songs, practiced asana, listened to stories from the Ramayana, learned about yoga traditions, and had lots of fun.  Tim shared with us how he became a devotee of Hanuman, you might recognize him as the monkey God, or incarnation of Lord Shiva.  It was apparent that Tim was truly devoted to Hanuman because I think we sang the Hanuman Chalisa (a 40 verse poem/devotional song/kirtan based on Hanuman as a model devotee of Lord Rama) at least once a day.  I think it was the 4th day or so when we sang the Chalisa, I felt a bubble rise in my belly at the end of the  song.  As the ending reached a crescendo of a “Sita Ram” chant, my eyes flooded with tears for reasons I could not understand.  But I let it be.  

As the rest of the days progressed, I felt an opening.  A softening. A surrender.  To what?  I still do not know. All I know is that I want to sing.. not any ‘ol song, but just the Chalisa.  

And when I’m not listening or trying to sing the Chalisa, there is s.i.l.e.n.c.e……………………

s.p.a.c.e…….so that I may see where my devotion lies.  

I’ll know when I’ve found it because my life will sing my devotion.  

What are you devoted to?  How does it show up?