Ever meet those people who just seem to have it all together no matter what happens? No matter how bad it gets? In fact, the worse it gets, the more at peace and calm they get. I hate those people.
Seriously, I don’t hate those people. Although I wonder if they are alive.. awake.. conscious! We’re all yogis here and let’s face it… we are expected to up hold a peaceful persona… nothing is suppose to faze us.
Now take me for example… I am very dedicated to my yoga practice in many ways but sometimes I still feel like shit. Did I miss something at teacher training? You know the saying, shit happens. Well shit still happens regardless of your yogi status. Life’s woes still exist. Because I’m a yogi, I’m suppose to get the eff over it?
Lately, I’ve been hiding behind my practice. Instead of coming to the mat to renew and recharge, I came to the mat to escape and deny… the realities of my life… the confusion, the sadness, the pain, the unknown… my world as it seems to have been torn into a million pieces. Yet I roll out my mat. I practice. I kick my own asana. I get into poses that I’ve been scared of… but with no more fear because it is less scary than the world outside my 6×2 piece of rubber. I finish with a sense of accomplishment but the moment I roll my mat up, I feel the harsh, insensitive rush of reality bully it’s way back in. I feel bad… guilty… ashamed that I don’t know how to get the eff over my woes. What kind of yogi am I? What verse of the yoga sutras should I be reciting?
None people! No amount of yoga sutras or self help books will authentically help me get over my woes. I know this isn’t my typical warm fuzzy type post, but if you have woes like I do, I would challenge you to simply stand in them. You don’t have to stand in your own shit forever, but for some of us, it would surely be helpful to stand in your own shit long enough to smell that it stinks! I think in that smelly moment is where real yoga starts. The moment of awareness… for then you won’t have to just get the eff over it. Instead you can create a new possibility. Sounds good eh? I’ll try it on.
I will start standing in my own shit… starting tomorrow cause look what I was able to accomplish when I escaped my reality… a minute and a half of peace. I am reminded that my mat is my haven… no matter how I come to practice on it. For the moment I am on it, I’m connected to the real reality… my body in that present moment. I love my yoga.