Shit Happens, Regardless

Ever meet those people who just seem to have it all together no matter what happens?  No matter how bad it gets?  In fact, the worse it gets, the more at peace and calm they get.  I hate those people. 

Seriously, I don’t hate those people.  Although I wonder if they are alive.. awake.. conscious!  We’re all yogis here and let’s face it… we are expected to up hold a peaceful persona… nothing is suppose to faze us.  

Now take me for example… I am very dedicated to my yoga practice in many ways but sometimes I still feel like shit.  Did I miss something at teacher training?  You know the saying, shit happens.  Well shit still happens regardless of your yogi status.  Life’s woes still exist.  Because I’m a yogi, I’m suppose to get the eff over it?

image: http://www.verylol.com/shit-happens-788

Lately, I’ve been hiding behind my practice.  Instead of coming to the mat to renew and recharge, I came to the mat to escape and deny… the realities of my life… the confusion, the sadness, the pain, the unknown… my world as it seems to have been torn into a million pieces.  Yet I roll out my mat.  I practice.  I kick my own asana.  I get into poses that I’ve been scared of… but with no more fear because it is less scary than the world outside my 6×2 piece of rubber.  I finish with a sense of accomplishment but the moment I roll my mat up, I feel the harsh, insensitive rush of reality bully it’s way back in.  I feel bad… guilty… ashamed that I don’t know how to get the eff over my woes. What kind of yogi am I?  What verse of the yoga sutras should I be reciting?

None people!  No amount of yoga sutras or self help books will authentically help me get over my woes.  I know this isn’t my typical warm fuzzy type post, but if you have woes like I do, I would challenge you to simply stand in them.   You don’t have to stand in your own shit forever, but for some of us, it would surely be helpful to stand in your own shit long enough to smell that it stinks!   I think in that smelly moment is where real yoga starts.  The moment of awareness… for then you won’t have to just get the eff over it.  Instead you can create a new possibility.  Sounds good eh?  I’ll try it on. 

I will start standing in my own shit… starting tomorrow cause look what I was able to accomplish when I escaped my reality… a minute and a half of peace.  I am reminded that my mat is my haven… no matter how I come to practice on it.  For the moment I am on it, I’m connected to the real reality… my body in that present moment.  I love my yoga. 

Sometimes I’m Crazy

Oh! It’s true.  Sometimes I drive myself crazy (and most definitely others too).  Note the key word:  sometimes. 

The moment I think I’ve gotten things all figured out… all under control. Snap!

It feels like a roller coaster. The ride goes up.  Click, clack, click, clack… enjoying the view on the way up.  It stops for a second.  Before I could catch a breath, I’m swallowing my stomach and screaming to the maximum capacity of my lungs… purely exhilarated.

But it was more like, someone said something.  someone did something.

Instead of ‘wheeeee and ahhhhh’ it was like ‘@#$% and *&%$’ with my hands in the air not to increase the suspense but a gesture of despair. 

Luckily, roller coasters come to an end.  And if you’re lucky, that coaster has a loopty loop… you know the one that takes you upside down.

For those few seconds, I see from a different perspective.  I’m not that crazy.  I don’t blow up all the time and say ‘@#$% and %^&*’  I’m human.  I have melt downs.  And there are times when I remained composed.  Not crazy at all.  In control.  Aware and knew exactly what I was doing.

Oh it’s true.  Sometimes I drive myself crazy.  You should too.  But make sure the key word ‘sometimes’ is there. 

image credit: http://weheartit.com/entry/14111710

Affect or Effect

My Thing 1 has been learning about homonyms in school… like ate/eight, fore/four, fowl/foul…

image: http://thepioneerwoman.com

 

Two words: affect or effect.  Before you get flashbacks of grade school, consider how you’ve been affected by day light savings this week.   I’ve noticed many people I encounter have been… myself included.  Just when I thought I had my sleep cycle all figured out, it’s dark once again when I’m getting up at 5am.  This time I’m grumpier than ever.  But I manage to get up and dash off to teach a class.

Last night I had a big wake up call.  Thing 1 and Thing 2 were horsing around in the kitchen while I was cleaning up after dinner.  I was exhausted with a migraine and just wanted to get all the dishes washed, the Things bathed and ready for bed.  Just as I finished rinsing the last dish, they knocked over a plant and spilled dirt all over the place.  It was as if Mount St. Helen erupted in my house.  The poor Things were yelled at and sent to sit in a dark corner.   I grumbled about how they never listen, how they always act like little babies, how they never get along, yak yak yak.  I couldn’t stop my soap box.  The Things sat in the dark corner in the living room and after I cleaned up the dirt, I sent myself to sit in a dark corner in my room.  Dead silence in the house.   The dog even ran so fast into his crate that the momentum closed his gate behind him.

Wow!  I thought.  What just happened?  I was at the affect of some spilled dirt. Deep down there, I was probably at the affect of the gloomy weather around here too, the lack of sleep, and the news around Japan’s earthquake.   I realized how much I over reacted.

Often when we become at the affect of a situation, person, thing, event, we OVER REACT. It happens.  The best thing to do at that moment was to forgive myself.  Instant forgiveness.  And then it was easy to ask Thing 1 and Thing 2 for their forgiveness… they got to come out of the dark corner

How about you?  Are you often at the receiving end of affect?  Check it out the next time you’re holding a pose you don’t want to be in.  How does it affect you?  How about when someone pisses you off?  What kind of grip do they have on you? How does the weather affect you? Does it have to?

Inquiries like these help us out of that reactive zone… even if it’s after the fact.   The cool thing is:  once you realize where you are, you can now EFFECT change.   Perhaps instant forgiveness is in order.  How about compassion?   And cut yourself a little slack… so you can have an eye opening effect.

image: http://www.gather.com

 

Nama-F*-ste

Ever wanted to say “nama-f*^%ing-ste” to you too?!!!  Today is one of those days that brings out all the goons and obnoxious students.   I often remind myself what’s the lesson I need to learn from these difficult people? I’ve had 3 of them today but the 3rd one was the last straw!  I barely survived that class when my migrane kicked in because I got a whiff of someone’s stinky perfume. Why?!!  Perfume in a heated room get’s magnified 10x and it’s not a nice scent when you begin to sweat on top of that.  So now we’re stinky, sweaty, and we want to text message in the middle of backbends.  I really really really wanted to kick this student out of class.  Is that appropriate?  Has any one ever done that?  Sometimes I want to put a sign on the door that says “We have the right to refuse service to anyone.  Namaste.”

That’s all.. nothing fancy or clever to say except that I am curious how you teachers out there handle these obnoxious students… you know the ones that moan and groan excessively to get attention, the ones who talk in class, the ones who complain in class, the ones who come in really late, the ones who have body odor problems, the ones who insist on doing their own sequence in class…

I just want to tie their hands in reverse namaste and send them to the corner to sit in broken toes pose for the rest of class… Ommmmmmmmmmm

source unknown

The Ugly Truth

Apparently my last post stirred some things up in some people (which I expected it to).  Whether you were a teacher I took a class from or not and had your panties ruffled up, I challenge you to look at that.  Why did my post raise your blood pressure… maybe even shaking up your confidence?  It’s all good!  It got you thinking didn’t it?  When someone stirs me up, I feel alive!  They remind me to take a look at myself.  Sometimes we care too much about what others think of us that it clouds our judgement about who we are.   It’s a given that people will judge us but worse is when we judge ourselves.  That’s the problem!  Our judgement becomes Truth (with a capital T).

I think there are some nuggets we can discover here though.  There is something about our blood pressure rising or when we get completely offended or even defensive when other people judge us or comment about us.. a hint of truth usually stings a bit and it especially stings when the truth is the Truth.  It’s ugly!  I know!

In this year of facing fears, I have been constantly putting myself out there to be seen and challenged.  I am not a perfect yoga teacher (and don’t hope to be) but constantly see myself in others.  When I took those classes, I saw myself in each one of those teachers and that is the golden nugget I walked away with.  I now see a little clearer in where I can show up more authentically and where I can improve not for perfection’s sake but for the purpose of awakening my presence for others.  I am grateful for all the teachers… for in one way or another they taught me something.

image: http://www.veggieartgirl.com

P.S. Here’s a very good post from elephant journal by Philip Urso on 7 Yoga Teacher Disconnects (whom I will be taking advanced teacher’s training with in Feb. Yay!)

P.P.S.  To the podcast listeners.  I discovered an annoying thing I do that I don’t normally hear in class is the way I exaggerate the last word frequently.  Ugh!   Please send me hate mail (or just any feedback) if you ever hear my “yoga teacher voice”   They will improve.  Pinky Promise!

Annoying Things Yoga Teachers Do

One of the best things about having family around during the holidays is that I get to have live in babysitters for a month.  So I took advantage and was able to go take other teacher’s classes.  It’s rare that I go to classes because not only am I a needy yogini who often feels unsatisfied from other teacher’s classes, but many teachers teach at the same time I do, or my schedule simply doesn’t allow for me to take class.  Almost two weeks into taking other classes, I’m ready to come back to my home practice and reflect on how I am as a teacher.

Some annoying things yoga teachers do:

1.  Wear perfume or some other scent.

2.  Stay on their mat the whole class and get their own practice in.

3.  Do #2 and continue to say “beautiful” every other pose.  How did you see me do a beautiful pose when you are on your mat with your eyes closed?

4.  Chew gum.

5.  End class late… meaning more than 5 minutes past.

6.  Bad sequencing.  Did you really practice to your planned sequence?  I doubt it felt good in your body.  In fact, throw your plan out the door cause if you were paying attention, you’d notice that it wasn’t working to begin with.

7.  Speaking of #6, how many times do you practice?  Teaching so many classes is not an excuse to not practice.  In fact, you should practice at the very minimum the same number of classes you teach if not more.  If not, don’t preach to students.

8.  Don’t be afraid to give another teacher an assist.  In fact, give a fellow teacher a yummy assist… we all know it feels good.  Assists should not be reserved for those who are completely out of alignment or just for your favorite students.

9.   Continue to say “do what feels right/good for you” without giving me any options to begin with.  I don’t know how to do this yoga thing and I came to class to get your guidance.  Give me some options so I can decide what feels good.

10.  Speak in a horrible “yoga teacher voice.”  You know what this is… that sexy, zen like, trying to be calm voice.  I’d rather hear finger nails on a chalk board.

I am not listing these things out to poke fun at other teachers or criticize how they choose to present themselves, but it got me thinking about my own teaching style… or rather my way of being.   Sometimes we get so caught up in what we do (whether that’s teaching yoga or performing any other task) that we don’t see how we affect others around us.  Heck! I’ve been guilty of some of these so this was a gentle reminder for me to reflect on how I communicate (verbal and non verbal) with others thru my teaching.  I think we could all take a long stare into a full length mirror every now and then.

image from weheartit.com

What annoying things does your yoga teacher say or do?   P.S.  I need to know so I don’t do it   LOL

Presence

Is it possible to hate and love at the same time?   YES!  If you’re anything like me, I hate and love this time of year all at the same time.  I know hate is a strong word, but I feel strongly about it!  It seems to get worse and worse every year with the pre-black Fridays, black Fridays, cyber Mondays yadah yadah ya.  I could go on a rant about this but won’t because I refuse to give this commercialism beast any more energy.   Instead, I want to rant about presence.  Everyone’s heard the cliche phrase (with sarcasm and eyes rolling) that the “best gift you can give is presence.. that’s why it’s called the present.”

Seriously though.  It is!  While taking my boy to school this morning, I witnessed about 10 near accidents.  I cross only 2 street lights and it takes less than 10 minutes to get to school.   Drivers turning when they don’t have the right of way, one dad runs his van up the curb while trying to parallel park, another makes a right turn and runs over a group of cones, one of which he drags with him under his car until it flings back out in front of me, and of course those selfish red light runners! And to think these people have precious little ones in their cars.

I’m not judging these folks… ok I am.  They should know better!   How in the heck did these people get their license?  What could be more important than focusing on the task at hand instead of focusing on the fool on the other end of the phone?     I am not perfectly present all the time either, but something about this time of year that makes people crazy.

image: weheartit.com

 

Just for fun, step out of your “world” for a moment and watch.  Watch other people.  Watch what’s happening around you.  Watch what you’re thinking when you’re watching.  How many random acts of mindlessness do you observe?  More importantly than judging or criticizing   these mindless acts you see, turn the eye back on you.  Watch yourself.  Watch yourself spend mindlessly at black friday.  Watch yourself slip away from the reality of the moment.  Watch yourself pushing, shoving, and yelling… the total opposite of who you really are.  The total opposite of the love that you want to give.  How about just giving the love you already have?  When we slip away into a world of distraction, we hurt other people not only emotionally but physically too!  In turn we rob ourselves of the love (that we deserve) that others will give us. Pay attention NOW! to every moment that slips by… especially when you’re driving!!!

 

Breath Control

Yesterday was a “terrific” tuesday (say that with some eye rolling and sarcasm).   The crazy marathon day began with the harp of my alarm clock and an hour to get myself ready, the kids ready, and breakfast on the table.  Everyone was suppose to cooperate because I was doing this solo this morning, right?  WRONG!  The day that I needed the kiddos to cooperate they did the opposite.  Before I knew it, I was in my not so yogic voice and the more I tried to control the situation (and them), the worse it got.  Somehow we managed to leave the house in one piece and barely made it to school when the bell rang.   I thought I was gonna have ample time to get to work until I got caught behind a “mad” mom whose license should be revoked (no, that wasn’t me) that I remembered I forgot all my props for work and had to drive back thru the school traffic again.  Grrrrr!

After finally getting on the freeway (thank goodness there was no traffic),  I thought how much energy did I expend trying to control the uncontrollable situation?  I had 3 classes ahead of me to teach and I already felt like I took 3 classes and was ready for savasana.  Surely there was nothing else I could have possibly done to make the morning more smoother but to take a step back and breathe for a moment.  I suddenly remember the breath meditation I’ve been practicing.  For the rest of the ride to work, I did this:

Take a deep breath in for about 5 counts, hold the breath in for 3 more counts and exhale immediately for 5 counts.  Repeat for about 10 rounds.

Holding the in breath for 2-3 counts lets the body absorb more oxygen thereby giving you more energy.

Then as I approach my destination, I did the following breath control:

Take a deep breath in for about 5 counts, immediately exhale for 5 counts and hold the exhale for 3 more counts before inhaling again.   Repeat about 10 rounds.

Holding the out breath for 2-3 counts lets the body empty deeply, giving the feeling of relaxation and surrender.

Ahhhh the feeling of being able to control one’s breath is much more accessible than trying to control anyone or any situation that is uncontrollable.

I had 10 hours of sleep last night so I feel like a brand new body today and ready to take on tonight’s full moon… she did a number on me yesterday

Can you believe this little guy is capable of being a little monster?  I guess I can’t stay mad at him cause we were early getting to school today and he says, “let’s do some yoga in the sun right now.”

strong warrior before school

Worrying About Worries

image credit: bluebicicletta.wordpress.com

Perhaps it’s my procrastination or maybe it’s worrying about the lack of time I have, or worrying how I’m going to finish everything up, I am left with today to get everything I need done before my road trip to Las Vegas tomorrow.  Laundry list of things to do including 4 loads of laundry, trip to Whole Foods, Target, Walgreens, farmer’s market, real estate paperwork, put in some sprinkler lines for my miracle growing garden, and a top secret project I am working on that needs to be done today!  So why am I wasting my time writing this blog?

I recently read somewhere that the best thing to cure the worries is to worry about the worries.  Huh?  Add another worry on top of the pile of worries?   That’s what I did this morning.  I woke up and thought about how many worries I was going to worry about.  It took about 5 minutes for me to come up with my list.  Apparently they’ve already been in the forefront of my mind so it didn’t take much effort to conjure them up and who knows how many countless hours and precious energy I’ve wasted to keep it in my mind.  This week, I’ve worried about finding subs for my classes, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, keeping the squirrel out of my garden, weeding, getting a car wash, opening the mail, taking my herbs on time, eating the right foods, hive outbreaks, getting to the acupuncture, oh my wrists!, oh my shoulders!, kids! they’re bored, summer vacation is not a vacation, the 10hr drive to vegas, booking airline tickets, the hot vegas weather, what if my car breaks down, blah blah blah blah blah!

And BLAH BLAH BLAH was the exact outcome of this 5 minutes of worrying about the worries.  After hearing myself recite my worries, they all started to fade into a BLAH and I ended up laughing about it.  Some worries weren’t even worries.  Some worries were even checked off my list but I was still mentally reciting them.

After this brain dump, I decided to have 3 chocoloate chip cookies for breakfast!  Why not?!

Road trip tomorrow with my sweet friend, Nadia, two kids, and who knows…

P.S. Keep sending your yoga graffiti photos and donations in.   I will definitely be tagging on the 600 mile drive to Vegas and will try to post some pics when I can.

Squirrel Wars

Little Bugger

Don’t let this cute little face fool you.  Once a friend now a foe.  We would awwww and ooooohhh as these furry little friends ran across our fence in the backyard every morning hunting for food.  It was cute to watch these little friends jump from our fence to the street, climb up the neighbor’s persimmon tree and snatch a big juicy fruit.  It was even more entertaining to watch them juggle this big fruit and run back to our fence, then sit and munch away.  My mouth would water as his paws got sticky with persimmon juice and crumbs fell from his mouth.  I would even think… hmmm I wonder if squirrels can be trained to fetch me a juicy ripe persimmon… LOL  I’m thinking ‘yes!’  They are smart and tricky little critters.

I’ve been waiting patiently for my garden to grow and now I believe miracles do occur because the seedlings I’ve planted on Earth Day are growing.  Lettuce sprouts, kale sprouts, tomatoes and cilantro all survived the wrath of my brown thumb.  Unlucky for the cucumber and kale sprouts, zucchini blossom, and strawberry that just peeked it’s head, got bitten off by my furry foe, mr. not so cute anymore squirrel.

Freshly bitten off baby zuchinni that just spouted

I bet this young strawberry was juicy!

Kale sprout that is fighting for it's life after being nibbled on

So what did I do?  I covered the baby sprouts with those plastic strawberry baskets thinking it will deter the critter, but he’s too smart.  He pushes it aside and flips it up.  I wish I had a spy cam to capture how he did this.  So I put a rock on top of the basket and he still manages to poke thru the tiny openings and nibble.  Poor cucumber sprouts!  There’s not even a single leaf left for me to even take a picture of it.

This means war!

Watch out Mr. Squirrel… you might get a spicy surprise the next time you visit.  Muahahahaha!