You Know You’ve Become a Yogi When

In a few weeks I will be another year older and will be turning 5 years old (I go by the yoga calendar).   I remember the first time I experienced the practice.  It wasn’t love at first sight as you’ll read on most yoga teacher bios.  It was painful.  My body surged with strange sensations and I didn’t know my up dog from my down dog let alone be told to breathe in a strange way.   Then one day, something happened.  I don’t even remember.  Some how, at some point I became a yogi…

You know you’ve become a yogi when…

1.  you own more stretchy pants than jeans.

2.  you own toe spreaders and they’re not used for pedicures.

3.  (ladies) you stop wearing bras because you live in tank tops with built in self bras that hold your babies in place even perkier.

4.  you know what it means to “melt your heart, open to grace, spiral your inner thighs, foint your foot, lengthen and expand.”

5.  you fork out more than $60 for a yoga mat, have a matching yoga mat carrier, and yogi toes towel.

6.  breathing is no longer just in and out, it’s about the ujjayi, kapalabhati, nadi sodhana, and shitali.

7.  you’ve tried at least 3 or more styles of yoga:  ashtanga, yin, kundalini, power, vinyasa, jivamukti, anusara, iyengar, bikram.

8.  you sing kirtan in the car.

9.  at some point your diet consists of being some type of “-arian” that probably begins with the letter “V.”

10. you start owning mala beads, a neti pot, chakra posters, things with a lotus on it and carry an extra yoga mat in your car.

11.  your vacation involves a yoga retreat.

12.  (parents) you start giving your kids an option to have a “time in” instead of a “time out.”

13.  you decline a night out with friends or loved ones because you have to get up early to practice.

14.  you would rather surf youtube for yoga videos instead of going to the movies.

15.  your stack of books to read include the yoga sutras, self help books, and yoga anatomy.

16.  you start taking pictures of yourself in yoga poses in public.

17.  you sign your emails with namaste, love and light, or hugs, peace and joy.

18.  you carry a reusable water bottle with you every where you go.

19.  you’ve dedicated your life to some 30-60-90 day challenge.

20.  you follow a yoga blog

And finally you can laugh at this list because it’s so “authentic.”

If you enjoy my blog, please vote for me for 2012 Most Fascinating Yoga Teacher Blog Award.   Thank you to whomever nominated my blog to be part of this amazing list of nominees.  

Voting is done with Google+.  

- Click on the graphic below.  
- Scroll down to “2012 Fascination Awards – Yoga Teacher Blogs” section
-  Click on the 61 comments section to expand the list of blogs
- look for liveloveyoga.wordpress
- click +1 to vote- voting ends June 25th, 11:59pm EST

Start a conversation… When did you become a yogi?

With much love, light, and gratitude.  

Namaste.

Nikki

10 Reasons Why Yoga is Annoying (and I still do it and you should too)

Ugh.. don't you hate her? Bendy and smiling!

I’ve been practicing (seriously) for the past 6 years, but it doesn’t take that long for a yogi to discover the nuances of the practice.  Here’s 10 reasons why yoga is so annoying:

1.  Someone will be wearing your same outfit and they might even look better than you in it.   Thanks lululemon.

2.  Yoga can wreck your body… errr did you miss this uproar?  Go google it or read this.  Enough said.

3.  Drama and scandal… gasp!  Yes it happens.  Go google it.  No comment.

4.  Huggers … you’ve seen them.  Yogis who barely know eachother will hug like there’s no tomorrow.  Sweaty bodies pressed together, eyes closed, touchy feely, and grinning from ear to ear.  Eeeewwwww (but I secretly want to be loved like that).

5.  Type-A Overachievers… there’s always at least one in every class.  There’s no matador in sight but they’ll buck like a bull in cat/cow.  Then there’s the super bendy chick who I swear is descendants of gumby.  And my favorite is the ’I'm more spiritual than you so I bow more humbly to the almighty universal power’ longer than you.  Namaste.

6.  The word authentic… Every yogi who claims to be authentic is fluffy white clouds and pretty butterflies.  Hmm… let me authentically bop the next person who tells me to be more authentic in the nose… now who sees pretty butterflies and tweety birds?

7.  Body odor… I’m not just talking about your typical sweat smells.  Let’s just say if I lit a match the yoga room would explode…. and what’s left of it would be onions that have been left in the warm sun all day… blah!

8.  Teacher’s pet… Even though they won’t admit it, every teacher will have their favorite downdog so if you want to be that dog, you’d better tilt your tail, spread your fingers, and stamp your heels down or refer to #5.

9.  Sickies… Those people who come to class to sweat out their germs.  Yes! yogis love to share but stay the heck at home if you’re contagious. 

10.  You’ll fall in love with your yoda yoga teacher…  They are so smart.  So compassionate.  So philosophical.  So sexy… until you find out that they actually don’t possess super yogi powers and are basically another human being who also poops, farts, drinks, cusses and puts on their pants one leg at a time… Refer to #3.  Ah-hem!!! 

So annoying!  But hey, you should still do it.. try it.. see for yourself.  Still not convinced?  Go google it.  You’ll believe google over my list of why you should do yoga… but thank me when you experience the biggest orgasm you’ve ever had in your life… or at least start a home practice.  

Funny, Offensive, or Inappropriate

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for a while but couldn’t bring myself to just in case I offended anyone but after the sexy side plank post in the family planning isle, how could I not? I was reminded of this post when clearing out my magazine pile and stumbled upon YJ’s April issue with this ad:

Beautiful heart opener LOL

Yet another reason why I love lulu!  Apparently some people were offended by this.  I think it’s hilarious!  What I have learned in the past from my practice is to not take things personally (one of Four Agreements by Don Miguel.  Best easy read with applicable and valuable insights.  Read it!)

What’s the funniest perhaps borderline offensive or even outright inappropriate things you’ve heard in yoga class? Here’s some I came across:

“widen your anal canal”

“move your TNA aside” (for paschimottanasana)

“spread your camel toes” (teacher referring to the actual toes during camel pose)

“uhh where is everyone?” (A teacher says to a class as she walks in to a half filled class.  Like the people there didn’t matter.)

“hmmm you guys have a lot to learn”  (A teacher says as she shakes her head with dissappointment)

“relax and imagine I’m your boyfriend” (the gym director warns me about things not to say while adjusting students in happy baby)

WOW! is exactly what I thought when I heard these.  Some I laughed at.  Some I shook my head at.  Some I just didn’t care.  Bottom line is, I am in control of my reaction.  Obviously if I feel uncomfortable, I will respect my boundaries and perhaps not attend that class anymore.

Here’s to laughter!  Muh-wa-ha-ha!

Sexy Vasisthasana

WARNING:

Eyeballs may roll to the back of the head or hysterical laughing may occur.
You are entering cheesy territory.
Read at your own risk.

Side plank or vasisthasana is a strengthening pose but more often than not students end up trying to look sexy instead.  No matter how many times I offer the modifications to students, they are either refusing to modify this pose or they really want to look sexy and end up looking like this with hips sagging to the ground and they’re shaking trying to hold themselves up:

The sexy version of side plank at the "family planning" isle of walgreens

It is far superior to modify by either placing the lower knee under the hip:

Image credit: http://www.tracis.info

or placing the top foot in front of the hip:

image credit: http://www.tracis.info

You will build strength much faster with these modifications than sinking into the sexy version.  However, the real strength is in your ability to surrender your ego and take a modification.. unless the sexy Cleopatra look is what you’re going for:

Image Credit: http://www.lisashea.com

I heard this joke in a yoga class once:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!” The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend: “I had no idea you were this religious.”
The boy turns, and whispers back: “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

Bwahahahaha!

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