Let’s admit it… as much as we’re grateful for friends, families, and thanksgiving gatherings, we are also grateful that the whirlwind of gobble gobble festivities are over and we’re thankful we all got together and we’ll get to see aunties and uncles again…. next year

Here’s a list of what I heard people say they were thankful for:

- pumpkin pie, cranberries, and ice cream

- hope

- a turkey fryer

- that someone else cooked

- forgiveness

- miracles

- dysfunctional family

- mustaches

- iphones, text messaging, and facebook

- turkey trots

- boyfriends (note the ‘s’ lol)

- 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th to infinite second chances

- breath

- hula hoops

- yoga

- surviving

- living in California

- kids

- 49ers

- chardonnay, merlot, pinot noir, and tequila too

- a place to live

- a job

- my “overall” positive attitude

- immigrants

- high heels and ugg boots

- health

- the people who put up with me

- another day of life

- all the wonderful and horrible times because all of it has made me who I am

- my cushy life

- my body.. it does a lot of the things I ask it to do

and of course friends, families, husbands, wives, kids, parents, and grandparents were on top of everyone’s list.

Find something to be grateful for each and every day.  No matter how simple or magnificent the gratitude is, it is the fuel that fires up the love in our hearts.

“I feel a very unusual sensation.. if it’s not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Think.  Think.  Think.  I’ve been thinking too much.  Some days my head takes over and leaves my heart to be nothing more than an organ that pumps blood and keeps me alive…. alive cause I’m still breathing, but dull cause I am not feeling.  Ok, truth is, I am feeling.  Feeling things I don’t want to feel.  So I suppress them.  The more I suppress them, the more I think.   The faint voice in my heart softens into a whisper that I can barely hear.  Little did I know that that voice was always a soft whisper…. She never screams.  She never yells.  She never bullies Her way in.  She waits.  patiently.  She whispers softly… waiting for the moment I am ready to hear Her…

One quiet day, I hear Her.  My mind doubts her.  But She never does.  The conversation continues.  It becomes a battle.  A struggle.  My head tells me one thing and my heart tells me another.  This time, before I did anything, I decided… which one is better?  My head or my heart?  

Today, I chose my heart.  I will let her lead.  I will begin the day with love in my heart.  Peace in my mind.  I will stretch and expand Her beyond what She can express, perceive, understand and feel.  She will touch not only those to whom she can give it easily, but also to those who need Her love so much. 

I am listening… I trust Her.  

Some people swear by music.  They say without music, there is no life.   Music is life.  It helps us wash away the scars from our soul.  It’s the words that the heart can not find words for.    

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”  ~ Maya Angelou

This is the song that sings to me over and over.

Music is an expression of the singer’s and listener’s own feelings,  experience, thoughts, wisdom, deepest darkest secrets.  

“Music is Love in search of a word.” ~Sidney Lanier

I am just beginning to understand the dept of this saying.  Look at your life.  Ask who and what rules your life?  Rules that other people have created for you?  Guilt?  Fear?  Pain? Previous experiences?

These are all true for me.  People build their whole entire life around avoiding feelings of guilt, fear of losing control, fear of pain, fear of all sorts (you name it, it’s there).   Yes, this inner turmoil is painful, but some how this pain becomes acceptable.  We get so skilled at maneuvering around the unknown that the things that are on the other side of guilt, shame, fear, and past experiences looks far more scary and painful than the internal suffering we’ve choosen to stay in. It’s scary to step outside of this suffering because it could be much worse.  We start to push people away.  We retreat back into that space of uncomfortable comfort.  We hide.  We deny ourselves the possibilities of something new and go back to our old habits.  Mostly we let our mind bully our hearts around.

Take for example, last night during my practice, I told myself I was going to practice my handstands again.  I really didn’t want to.  I was tired, but I let my mind bully me around.  The voice says, “stop being a pansy-ass sassafrass!”  In reality, I just wanted to kick myself in the butt because I’d gladly pay for the external self inflicted pain than to free myself from the psyche of my mind.  I didn’t want to face the internal struggle I’ve been having.  I’ve escaped the reality that was right in front of me.  I paid a price to keep my suffering that now has not only been magnified, but now I’m at war with myself.

How does one break free?  It seems to be a simple choice.  Suffering is optional. 

I’m beginning to learn that if I continue to fight with my human feelings, I cause more self inflicted pain.  So what to do?   I’m learning how to relax… relaxing with all emotions and coming face to face with those ones that make my heart tremble.  Then instead of contracting or avoiding the pain, I watch it.  I make myself available and willing to be present right at the moment my heart tightens and pain and fear rears it’s ugly head. 

This time, instead of paying the price and building my life around it, I am consciously willing to pay the price, and watch it pass. I will be willing at all times, in all circumstances to remain conscious in the face of pain and to work with my heart by relaxing and remaining open.

image credit: brasspetals.com

The moment I think I’ve gotten things all figured out… all under control. Snap!

It feels like a roller coaster. The ride goes up.  Click, clack, click, clack… enjoying the view on the way up.  It stops for a second.  Before I could catch a breath, I’m swallowing my stomach and screaming to the maximum capacity of my lungs… purely exhilarated.

But it was more like, someone said something.  someone did something.

Instead of ‘wheeeee and ahhhhh’ it was like ‘@#$% and *&%$’ with my hands in the air not to increase the suspense but a gesture of despair. 

Luckily, roller coasters come to an end.  And if you’re lucky, that coaster has a loopty loop… you know the one that takes you upside down.

For those few seconds, I see from a different perspective.  I’m not that crazy.  I don’t blow up all the time and say ‘@#$% and %^&*’  I’m human.  I have melt downs.  And there are times when I remained composed.  Not crazy at all.  In control.  Aware and knew exactly what I was doing.

Oh it’s true.  Sometimes I drive myself crazy.  You should too.  But make sure the key word ‘sometimes’ is there. 

image credit: http://weheartit.com/entry/14111710

I’m thinking the only thing that is really gonna start if you hold me in this pose for another breath is a round of cussing, eye rolling, and threats to never come back to class.

Why would I do such a thing to torture myself and why does your yoga teacher do this to torture you?   Wake up call… no one is torturing you except YOU.

I’m certain your teacher has given you permission to take child’s pose whenever you need it.  But why don’t you take it?

For some weird reason, we like to sit in this low grade misery.  We’re wondering when the hold is over.  We’re getting irritated with the burning sensation.  We’re looking around hoping to catch another’s glance so we can both make a nasty face at the teacher.   We look everywhere except at the moment because all of these take us out of the present moment.

Ask yourself this:  are you choosing patience or panic?

Panic sends you into that low grade misery of anticipation.   Choosing patience instead brings you back into reality.  Ok so your legs are burning.  What better time than now to practice breathing?  And the most magical thing happens… you can witness that burning sensation dissolve, your judgements and anger disappear, and now you love your yoga teacher for giving you some awesome toned muscles.  Now isn’t that what you came to class for?  Ok maybe you didn’t come solely for a tight rear end but it’s a bonus that you got so much more… to tone the muscles of your mind and to practice meditation that didn’t require you to sit alone in a dark cave.

Now where in your life are you still sitting in a low grade misery because you’ve chosen something else rather than patience?

image: http://www.savagechickens.com

At one point in your career, I bet you had at least one good boss.  The ones that were never around.  The ones that left you alone because they trusted you.  The ones that were there if you needed them.

I’m lucky to have a few of them.

So I was doing my thing this morning… teaching 10 minutes into class.  Guess who shows up for the first time?  Boss lady.  The cool thing about teaching so early in the morning is the bosses never show up.  It’s too early.. that’s why they let someone else teach them.   Now, I used to fret all the time when another teacher decides to show up in class because they want to “check me out.”  But this person is not only an awesome teacher, but she’s also boss lady.  How did I feel?

She plops right in front because there’s no other place to set up.  Ut oh! She can see me from any angle in the room because there are those dang mirrors!

How many of you teachers out there suffer from a low grade misery when there’s another teacher or boss person taking your class?  You’re trying to be perfect.  You’re trying to impress.  You’re trying so hard that you forget about the students who also might be in a low grade misery because you’ve lost track of how long they’ve been holding warrior 2.  Yikes!  Now you’re thinking about how much the students are hating you now and that you’re possibly looking like an incompetent teacher in front of another teacher.   ARGH!

What should you do?  B-R-E-A-T-H-E of course! There’s no other place to be than right there feeling what you’re feeling.  Then SNAP out of it! Out of your story that is.  It’s not about you. It’s about those higher beings in the room taking your class.  They might be having a human being experience… that is suffering a low grade misery of anticipation… of when the long hold will be over?  when is savasana?  when is this?  when is that?  You get present and ask them to get present to their burning thigh and arms that probably feel like ton of bricks.  We all need to be reminded that being present takes us out of our suffering.

So back to the question of how I felt?  I was really happy to have boss lady in class today.  She didn’t faze me one bit.  I felt very supported by her presence.  I love it when teachers come to my class.  There’s great learning to be done.

There’s more to this low grade misery topic.. next post

Consider how you show up for your day when your alarm goes off.  What’s the first thought that runs thru your head?  “Ugh.. I have to get up for work.  I have to get the kids ready for school.  I have to do this.  I have to do that.  I have to, have to, have to.”  How does that leave you feeling for the rest of the day?

When I doubled my teaching schedule, I started to say “I have to teach another class” when my buzzard went off at 5am.  Needless to say, I started to feel like teaching was a J-O-B… something that I never wanted to feel because I love this yoga stuff.

photo credit: http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l615/lalamarthe/Grateful/grateful.jpg

No doubt life throws us all sorts of challenges and there are things that we need to do, but how we show up for it makes a big difference.  I’m not trying to be a cheesy cheerleader for positivity (it helps though) but try to change one word in your vocabulary from “HAVE to” to “GET to” and notice an immediate shift in your way of being.

What do you get to do today?

This higher being mentality… seeing the higher self in others really helped me stay grounded during my flight back from Wisconsin.  I was due to arrive home at midnight.  The flight didn’t take off on time due to the weather and I could feel myself getting anxious and irritated because I didn’t want to miss my connecting flight and get stuck in Chicago.  Of course that’s exactly what happened.  I had missed my connecting flight by 5 minutes!!!  Not only did I miss the flight, I missed the last flight out that night.  Grrr!!!   I stood in a long line to talk to the reservation agent and witnessed a flurry of irritated, angry, and rude people everywhere.  One guy was so frustrated that he began yelling at the poor woman behind the desk.  At that moment, I felt this huge relief come over me.  Getting stuck wasn’t so bad because now my kids didn’t have to be woken up in the middle of the night to come pick me up and a great opportunity was presented to me to practice seeing the higher beings in people.  Instead of standing there rolling my eyes and trying to figure what kind of tantrum I was going to give the woman behind the desk, I choose to breathe.  I choose to not judge the guy who was yelling at the woman because I don’t know his story.  I saw that he was just another person who was in his human being essence (reacting) and was probably wanting someone to just listen to him.  I thought the woman was also in her human being essence (reacting and probably thinking, it’s not my fault) and was probably wanting people to stop yelling at her so that she can do what she could to help.  She probably wanted someone to listen to her too.

What if we just listened to each other?  Perhaps there would be no human being reaction…

When it was my turn, I could see the woman was just waiting for my complaint and I threw her off guard by asking her how she was holding up in this chaos.   I could see a big veil of relief was lifted off her face.  She relaxed.  She smiled.  I smiled.  And she told me what I didn’t want to hear, but I heard her and knew it wasn’t her fault.  She gave me a hotel voucher.

It gets better… this was one of the few times I checked my luggage and since it is a connecting flight, they wouldn’t give me my luggage that night.  No change of clothes or any other personal comfort items.  The moment I started to feel irritated I searched within myself for my higher being.  I asked myself, “Do I really need to get upset?  Does it really matter?  Would it help the situation if I threw a hissy fit?”  So off I go to look for something to eat.  Every place was closing.  I stood looking at the menu of one of the cafes that appeared to be open.  The guy behind the register barked at me, “Are you just gonna stand there and look at the menu?  Do you want to order?  We’re closing!”   WTF!!!  Before I could make a smart ass comment, I said, “no thank you.. have a nice evening..” and excused him for being in his human being.  He probably just wanted to go home to his family.  I never felt so calm and sent my love to my family.

Now it really gets better… I arrive to the hotel for the night and the lady behind the desk gave me a big warm, chewy chocolate chip cookie.  Finally!   Someone is seeing my higher being!!

photo: yourkloset.com

The next morning I get on the next flight.  There was one seat left and it was a middle seat.  The agent said I could take it or wait til the next flight.  “That’s fine,” I said and the moment I said that, human being thoughts flashed thru my head.  “What if I get squashed between two big people?  two big droolers?  Walked to my seat and there were two gentlemen already seated.  Whew!  They weren’t seat hogs and they looked decent.  Business men.  I could see they were also relieved that I was not a seat hog.  The moment I snapped out of my thoughts, the coolest thing happened:  spontaneous conversation that really connected us as higher beings.  I would never say things like:  “Watch out, I might grab your butt” while fumbling for my seat belt.  We both bursted out laughing.  These two gentlemen turned out to be the best people to be sandwiched in the middle seat with on a 4 hour flight.   We talked about yoga and I taught one of them a calming breathing technique and gave a him a tip to elevate his legs after such a long flight.  The other guy turned out to an ex studio owner.  Can you imagine it?  What are the chances that I get to sit next to someone who’s gone thru the process of owning a studio.   So cool!  In the end, the both of them confessed that they were nervous the middle person was going to be a seat hog too.  We laughed!  We even got up and went to the bathroom together.. ok not together in the same stall, but we were a team   I think the other passengers were jealous we were having such a lovely conversation.  Go figure!!!  People actually talking to each other on a flight!  I would have never met these higher beings if I was in my head about how annoying it was that I was stuck over night without my stuff and then I get stuck in the middle seat.  (Pat and Dan, if you’re reading this, YOU GUYS ROCK!  I’m so fortunate to have met you and you are coming to my studio grand opening

This experience left me feeling like if I connect to my higher being, I tap into a universal higher being, and things take care of it self.  Being stuck in Chicago overnight and then getting the last middle seat on that plane was not a mistake or coincidence.

Brew on this for a bit… I’m still exploring this idea a bit more because as I said, I slipped out of this for a bit.  More on that experience later!  This post has gotten way too long

You’re stupid!

You’re fat!

You’re ugly!

You Bitch!

Are you feeling like where’s the unsubscribe button?

Why?

Why are you reacting?

How about this: You’re beautiful. I’m so proud of you. You’re such a rockstar.

What if the same person said all these phrases to you? Can you still love them just the same? Maybe even more?

The answer is YES. This is one of the ah-has that really stirred me up. Many of us claim we have big love to share, but in the back of our thoughts there are an exceptions list. I’ll love him or her only if they do this or say that. We keep a mental checklist of when we will love a person if they meet our criteria lists.

How can you love someone who tells you “you’re a bitch!”?

Watch your reaction. If that same person called you “you’re micky mouse!” would you react the same?

What if we could stop reacting and stop listening to the thoughts that other people throw on us? We wouldn’t care what they said and all we would see behind those thoughts are the real person. The person who is of a higher being.

When we react, we are reacting to their human being. As human beings, we are fear, judgement, doubt, shame, guilt, etc. As higher beings, there is instant forgiveness, no imperfections, no wrong doings or understandings, we see joy, happiness, and love.

More posts to come on this human being vs higher being business. It’s incredible.

I am so full of L-O-V-E and it feels like this:

photo credit: http://weheartit.com/entry/7158017