Ashtanga Confluence 2013, Day 2: Be Lazy

End of day 2 and all I can say is that I’m grateful this confluence is only 3 days long!!!  I need another weekend away to process all the golden nuggets I’ve gotten.   Today’s most profound things I learned:

1.  As a student, I’m rediscovering that it’s not the teacher’s fault that I didn’t have a good practice.  Yes, to some extent, the teacher sets the tone, but ultimately it’s my own practice and I am the person in control of my own practice.  I saw where I let external factors control the outcome of my practice and I could see where I let external forces (i.e. people, situations, even the weather, etc) dictate my outcome and even my happinesss.

2.  It is really about the breath.   The answer to all your problems lies at the root of how you are breathing.

3.  True freedom is not about doing what you want, whenever you want, however you want.

4.  We really are more alike than different.  The concept of ONENESS makes more sense now.  We really are one with every living person, creature, and cell in the world.

I’ll have to expand on the above in another post but my most favorite one that made the highlight of my day:

5.  Be lazy like cats as David Swenson pointed out in the Flying, Floating, and Handstanding workshop.  Watch how cats move.  They use the “lazy” method… meaning they engage just enough to move and then immediately relax… giving them the sluggish, lurking around type movement.

Why would you want to be lazy in asana?  Next time you’re in a pose, become aware of how you engage your body.  Notice how you might be all tense with too much contraction and trying to hard.  This type of engagement doesn’t give you much room to relax.  Isn’t this what we came to yoga for?   David’s suggestion is simple:  activate and then let it go.  Activate where necessary and relax when possible.  It becomes a continuous “vinyasa” within the holding of the posture.  Activate then relax, activate then relax.. a true concept of stira-sukha concept (strength-ease).  Eventually after several cycles of activate-relax, we get to a spot where the whole body is at ease but yet strong and grounded.  What becomes apparent is the body and the self is breathing so peacefully.

One can practice Ashtanga and be at peace… who knew!?!!  I absolutely love David and have found my next teacher that I want to study with.  He has a ridiculously funny sense of humor, practicality and simplicity  that makes the whole practice of Ashtanga pleasant and enjoyable.  I’ll share more on what I learned from David in future posts.  There’s too many to list here.

After today’s workshop with David, I feel like I’m floating on cloud nine even though I might not be able to float and jump like he does.  I’m feeling so lucky to have had some one-on-one time with him.  Check it out:

Now to practice, practice, practice… because practice makes possible.  Jump back quick tips: cross higher at mid shins not ankles, flex feet, push into hands, top leg pushes back to create momentum (bottom leg relaxes — the concept of active-relax), look down and back to start and then up to end, you don’t need to lift that high off the ground in order to jump back successfully, and finally (my favorite).. bandhas help but they’re not the main reason why you can or can’t jump back and it’s definitely not about your arm length.

Oh and can you believe he walked by my group I was working with and farted on us.   Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and will jump thru with straight legs after being blessed by David’s fart.  LOL

Ashtanga Confluence 2013: Day 1, Feeling the Transformation

6:00 am – get up and do my morning ritual: stretch a little.  Start hydrating.  Get centered with a short meditation.   Wash up before class.

7:00am – two hour primary series practice with Dena Kingsberg.

Led Primary with Dena

9:00am – hot shower

10:00am – breakfast on the patio under the sun, blue skies and the crystal blue bay sparkling in the distance

11:30pm – A panel discussion by the Ashtangi masters on the legacy of Pattabhi Jois

The panel of Who’s Who of Ashtangis

1:30pm – Relax

4:00pm – Bandhas with my teacher Tim Miller

6:00pm – The Hanuman Chalisa with Tim Miller — *the highlight of my day

Dreams do come true.  My body feels great and my mind feels as though it has been cleansed.

My biggest lesson today was sparked by this question:  Wouldn’t it be great if our minds would go where are bodies go?

Even after practicing for the past 10 years or so, I still notice moments of time where my body just goes and I perform the asanas.  Sometimes I even perform them very well and I’ve gotten really good at multitasking, thinking about other things besides being in the moment where I am.   The mind will do it’s own thing when left alone.  This is true.

We see this in asana.  Nancy saw us lifting our hands when we jump back/thru.  Our minds are eager to perform but she encouraged us to not do so.   There is no short cut to transformation.  One must do the work and feel every step of the way.  This may mean work on keeping your palms flat on the ground and do the work to really lift up before the jump.  It may not look as graceful but the illusion of looking graceful or the illusion of a successful jump thru/back does look graceful and successful but it does not help propel you into lasting transformation.

Mostly this shows up when I’m gone for weekend retreats and leave my family at home.   Mostly I feel guilty for indulging in myself.  My body loves the practice but my mind is left at home… worrying about my classes, about the kids, etc.

I’m so glad Dena, asked this question on the first day because it allowed me to just let go and fulfill the intention of why I came:  to be a student, to let go of all my responsibilities back home and to just indulge.   No guilt!  I’m being present.  My body is at the confluence and so will my mind because after this weekend away as a student, I will go back home a better teacher, a better mom, a better spouse, a better friend, a better human being… and the process continues as I integrate back into my life where the real work begins.  Then every few more months, I will do it again.  I will pry myself away from my studio, away from my students, away from my friends, and away from my family in order to reflect on who I was being and then reconnect to myself to redefine who I am and who I will become.

Keep It Simple

I’m fortunate to immerse myself as a student of yoga this weekend at the Ashtanga Confluence 2013.  Immediately upon arriving at the airport, I am reminded of a lesson I learned several yoga trips ago… and that is to pack simply.

Keeping it simple…

No more heavy bags, extra bags, no more high maintenance personal items.  Just the bare essentials.  Security was a breeze and I kept my peace of mind while everyone else was fumbling with their belt, shoes, laptops, etc.

Simple actions…

Prior to the trip, I was feeling kinda grumpy because I had purchased two tickets.  The other person was not able to come anymore and now I was stuck with an extra ticket that the conference was not going to refund.  It sucks!!  So when I arrived, I had asked again about a possible refund or credit.  I already knew what the answer was going to be, but thought “why not ask again in person” hoping I could bat my eye lashes for some sympathy.  They still said ‘no refunds’ but she offered to let me know if someone was going to buy a ticket during the weekend to buy mine.  This simple action she took made me feel some what better about the situation. I tried, she tried and if I don’t get any money back.. oh well. I’m not going to waste my energy getting upset over it.  I’ll see it simply as a donation to the conference.

Simple ideas…

The first night began with a Ganesh Puja performed by Eddie Stern.  A puja is a ceremony/ritual/offering.  Ganesh is the elephant god known as the Remover of Obstacles and The Lord of Beginnings.  He was honored tonight to insure an auspicious beginning and successful completion of the weekend.

Ganesh adorned with offerings from the puja.

This was the first time I’ve participated in a puja but the idea is not foreign to me.  I’ve seen this type of ritual performed at Buddhist temples while I was growing up but have never been interested in this sort of activity until I saw what a simple action and idea like this could do. I like the simple idea of rituals and how they can increase our happiness and change the world around us.

Simple actions and simple ideas can make a huge impact and possibly change our world.

This idea of rituals can be as simple as brushing your teeth.  Rituals are things/actions we do everyday.  They are a part of our “routine.”  The problem is that our daily routines have become mundane with a “go thru the motion” mentality.  We lose ourselves and the present moment.  A simple act of brushing our teeth every morning can be a meaningful routine… a ritual…  and instead of losing yourself and mindlessly performing the task and lose the present moment, get lost in the present moment.  Get immersed in the present moment.   Can you imagine if we woke up every morning and made teeth brushing a ritual?  That simple 2 minutes or so can become a sacred time to connect to ourselves and get grounded for the day.  Can you imagine what type of impact you would have on the world if you left your house feeling connected and grounded?  All because you brushed your teeth in the morning

Ganesh waiting for the Puja to begin

Don’t turn your back on the present moment… keep things simple so you can face the present moment mindfully.

Do Your Practice And All is Coming

A small miracle occurred this morning.  I made it to a Mysore class after a rough battle with my alarm clock.  I wonder if the person who invented the snooze button was mad at the world and wanted a way to make them suffer in the mornings.  Nonetheless, I made it even if it was 30 minutes later than I had wanted to start my practice.  I made it, rolled out my mat, and asked my stiff, achy, and tired body to move. 

Altar at Tim Miller’s Ashtanga Yoga Center

Half way through the seated sequence, my drishti shifted onto someone being adjusted in supta kurmasana and I lost my focus.  Thoughts flooded my mind.  I didn’t remember which pose was suppose to come next and then I remembered that I was suppose to write this post on what Sri K. Pattabhi Jois’ famous quote, “do your practice and all is coming”  meant to me.  

In the moment of losing my presence, I wondered when I was ever going to be able to get my feet behind my head in supta kurmasana.  When is it ever going to come when my hamstrings are always tight and my hips are always something other than open?   Hmm!!!  I’ve been doing yoga consistently with little to no gaps for about 6 years and still seem to have tight hamstrings.  

When is it coming?  

“Ask and ye shall receive!”  It happened today.  I was sitting in kurmasana and attempted the transition into supta version.  The same teacher that helped me last week came over to help me again.  Last week, he stopped when my feet were about 6 inches apart and said that was enough for that day.  Today he said, let’s keep going (of course he asked if I was ok before proceeding).  He bent my knees and helped me slide my shoulders down my leg further, picked up my feet and hooked my big toes together.  It wasn’t the deepest, fullest expression, but the moment came… he let go and I held it together while still breathing evenly.  Tada!

Watch Kino give tips on this pose:

“That was it?”

This was what I was waiting for all along?  I mean it was cool that I hooked my feet and possibly felt a fleeting moment of enlightenment, but after the pose was over, well it was over.  On to the next pose and I thought perhaps this wasn’t the pose that ALL would be coming for me. So what is it that will come?  And when is it that will come? 

And then it came.  

All of it.  I was in shavasana.  I realized that just because I got into a posture doesn’t mean I was doing my yoga and sometimes I’m doing my yoga and not a single asana was involved.  

So I ask, “what is my yoga?”  

What is it that is coming when I do my practice?  To that I answered, “to get present, to love, to give.”  And now I see that ALL did come when I got into supta kurmasana.  I got present to the fact that I held myself hostage by my own thoughts of how tight I thought my hamstrings were.  My heart was flooded with love for the teacher that compassionately helped me get into it with such care.  And in the act of trusting  the teacher to assist me, I’m certain I gave the teacher the gift of giving, which he loves so much to do. 

So is this enlightenment?  In my book, I’d say it’s a glimpse.  I’m certainly more awake and definitely more aware than I was when I was fighting with my alarm clock.   All this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t show up. 

Practice and all is coming!  

It’s the truth to any questions you might have. Whether it’s a meditation practice, yoga, work, relationships, life! or whatever your “practice” is…

Show up!  (even if you come with your fighting, kicking, screaming, stiff, achy, and tired self)

Because all is coming.  Yes, all of it.  

First you have to show up because how can it come if you’re not there to receive it?  

What does “practice and all is coming” mean to you?

You Know You’ve Become an Ashtangi When

I’ve finished day 11 of my 14 day Ashtanga Primary Series Training with yoga god Tim Miller.  It started as a love-hate relationship with the practice since day 1 but I can now say that I’m getting teary eyed as I count down the days left.  I’ve learned so much about my body, about yoga traditions, deities, chants and vedic astrology but the most important thing I’ve learned is when does a Joe Smoe Yogi get the right to call herself/himself an Ashtangi?

You know when you’ve become an Ashtangi when:

1.  you realize mula bandha is the answer to everything.

2. ”You do!” is the only modification and prop you need to get into ANY pose.  

3.  you know nasagra is not a sushi roll. 

4.  you have an urge to go to Mysore.

5.  you don’t understand any cue that has to do with the heart such as open, shine, express.

6.  you hear the words ‘Ashtanga Police’ and your mula bandha engages.

7.  you can count in sanskrit. 

8.  you find navasana as the real resting pose… sorry downdog. 

9.  you have no bad fat, but may be a bad man or a bad woman. 

10. you think people look cute in garbha pindasana.

11. you have a skinny or easy side.

12. you celebrate moon days.

13. you actually like being tied up, bounded, and told what to do.

14. you are categorized by your series.

15. (ladies) for once in your life, you’re grateful for your ladies holiday.

16. you have the urge to cry when you come up from your first drop back and will give your teacher a big juicy kiss.

17. waking up at 6am is considered sleeping in.

18. you own a yoga rug because yogi toes towels get wrinkled and bunched up during jump thrus and jump backs.

19. you have a high pain tolerance but won’t admit that ‘no pain no gain’ is your mentality… you just call it devotion instead.

20. you like routine… you never get bored with the primary series, day in and day out.

21. you’re proud of your chaturanga sculpted arms but you won’t admit it. 

22. your serious and emotionless face can’t be broken, even if you found mula bandha that made you “tingle all over.”

23. your yoga practice becomes a yoga addiction.

24. you’ve passed the first series: You Know You’ve Become a Yogi When

 and finally

25. your non-ashtangi friends (or anyone for that matter) think you’re insane. 

I think I’m almost on the edge of being insane  I love my new Ashtangi friends. 

June 2012 Primary Series Teacher Training at Ashtanga Yoga Center with Tim Miller

Being a Student Isn’t Enough

4:30am.  Here we go.  This is what I came for… err rather what I thought I came for.  I signed up for Tim Miller’s two week Ashtanga primary series teacher training that began last saturday.   I was prepared to learn and excited to be a student again without the distractions of teaching, kids, family, etc.

I’ve heard many times from all my teachers that it’s necessary, even a pre-requisite to be a student before you can be a teacher.  I’ve always considered myself a student… open and willing to learn and see where I may be lacking and where I can grow.  But this morning, I discovered this about myself… humbled even.

On the second day I had the opportunity to observe Tim lead a second series class.  I was in awe by the art and grace of the practice and how every student was moving so effortlessly through the postures but at the same time their unwavering gaze, rhythmic breathing, and complete dedication left me feeling kinda inadequate.  I found myself comparing and doubting my abilities and why I couldn’t do some of those poses yet even though I have a consistent practice and feel I am just as dedicated as they are.  The list of coulds, shoulds, and whys went on and on.

just looking at this hurts my noggin

The second day left me feeling inspired but yet defeated at the same time as if all the years of practicing and practicing didn’t get me anywhere but here I was calling myself a “student.”  I was ready to learn… how I was going to do those poses, what I needed to engage, what I needed to strengthen, what I needed to stretch.  I just wanted someone to tell me what I needed to do to deepen my practice… advance my poses.  

And then it happened… Mysore practice the next morning.  No, I didn’t get into those coveted poses.  I fell.. not on my face or my bum, but literally in the sense of giving up, in the sense of surrendering, in the sense of beginning again… FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.  

For the first time in a long time, I felt like a new student… like the first time my friend dragged me to a yoga class.  And like the first time, I hated it.  It hurt.  It took forever to go through the sequence and damn those jump throughs and ankle twisting joint killing knee in lotus position.  Gah!!!  It was exactly like the first time I took my first Ashtanga class 5 years ago and never went back to.  And here I am taking a 2 week training.  WTF!!  

I was trying to get into Marichyasana D variation and Tim comes over, smiles and shakes his head.  Clearly I was struggling.  Couldn’t get my knee to the floor let alone try to bind my arms behind.  He comes behind me.  Attempts to adjust me but apparently I was trying to resist it. Haha!  ”Let go,” he says.  So I relax my knee.  Then he tries to get me into a bind and says, “give me your arm.  let it go” in a very “trust me” voice as if he heard me thinking “uh Tim, my arms won’t bend like that.”  I had no choice but to give him my arm.  He  grabs it, internally rotates my shoulder, bends my elbow, and pulls my arm behind.   “Here, grab your other wrist,” he says.  

Image Credit and Detailed Info on Marichyasana D

I was left in a crazy looking pretzel, in awe of myself and my limiting belief that I couldn’t get into the pose.  That’s when I realized that being a student isn’t enough.  You can learn the pose and how to align the body, but learning it is different than surrendering to it.  A beginner’s mind requires much more than being a student, it requires you to be a student that surrenders and approaches the moment not knowing anything about the pose, the practice, or the experience that you’re gonna have.