It’s been a week since I’ve been back from my vaca to Maui and I have lots of things to share, but apparently writer’s block has hit me… so I thought… ok it was more like I used writer’s block to stall on writing what I’ve been wanting to share… a very memorable and terrifying experience I happen to chance on. The fear is still haunting me as I write this post… so here goes.
I was determined on this trip that I would face another one of my fears and go sky diving. Well long story short, there were no more launch points on Maui… All the sky diving in Hawaii is done on Oahu. I was somewhat relieved that I could chicken out of this agenda.. but the better part of me didn’t let me off the hook. So the next closet thing someone suggested was parasailing. Nope. Turns out the season is closed for parasailing due to whale migration. And the next closet thing is zip lining. Nope. All sold out. There was nothing left on the whole island for me to come face to face with my fears… a part of me was relieved…
Until we stumbled onto Big Beach in Makena.
At the end of this vast crescent shape beach is a cliff. We saw people coming down and people going up. I asked one of the guys going up what was on the other side. “Another beach called Little Beach,” he said, and “it’s clothing optional.”
My heart starts beating and I could hear myself say, ‘no way!’ but another voice triumphed and I saw another fear bubble up. I was almost irritated that sky diving wasn’t available as I would’ve opted for that option instead. So being the fear conquerer that I am, I dragged my friend up the cliff with me.
There was a mix of people.. nude, clothed, old, young, men, women. No one seemed to give a hoot about anything. People minding their own business or perhaps they were trying to mind their own business because if you didn’t you’d probably break public nudity protocol.. that is maintain eye contact and don’t talk to anyone.
So much for protocol! A nude man and his wife came over to talk to me to offer his service to take our pictures for us. WTF! He broke two protocols! I politely declined. Not long after that, another man comes over to talk to us and asks permission to take my photo while I was posing for my yoga graffiti. WTF! again?! I soon realize that there are no protocols… I made them up to cover up my fears… like I made up my “writer’s block” symptoms so I didn’t have to post about this experience.
I didn’t even know I had a fear of being nude in public until the situation presented itself. I sat there for a long time before I decided to go for it. I could hear in my head the debate I was having with myself. “Why are you so scared? Just do it! You’re never gonna see these people again. You have a beautiful body. No I don’t.. I hate my butt. People will laugh at my funky tan line. No they won’t. Yes they will…” Yak yak yak these two voices debated in my head.
At the moment I witnessed myself having this debate, I chose to let go. It sounds cliche, but it felt liberating. It was a meditation like no other. The tension melted. The judgements dissolved. The voices stopped. I was in my body. In my heart. In my own business like no body’s business. Completely present. It was pure joy.
Yay! for nude beaches! Check! another fear crossed off the bucklet list! Hmmmm… nude yoga class next? LOL